I am sure there will be plenty of reality or morality based people that will struggle with our philosophy insisting that we advocate lying....and I suppose that is true. We allowed grandma to live in a reality that made her feel secure and happy. We were trying to remain open to broader or more varied interpretations. We much preferred to tell her that my grandfather was out golfing than that he had passed away many years before. We preferred to allow her the opportunity to believe she lives a full productive life instead of telling her she sits in a chair all day, does nothing, and has imaginary friends. We would tell her when she was distressed about her eyesight going that she was tired and just needed to rest, instead of telling her that she was an old lady and maybe going blind. In these situations we actually believed that telling the truth could be cruel. Maybe it was selfish on our part, but we would much rather see her face light up than witness depths of despair. She was such a joy when she would tell us all about the things she had done during the day....often she talked about surprising her friend and going to lunch or she'd put her hand out and say "Hello I'm Helen Morris, my husband and I just moved next door...nice to meet you."
Allowing them to exist in their reality not only makes life easier for the caregiver it also, if you're open to it, can allow you to see into a world that is different from what we perceive as reality. Maybe try and think of it as their own "Las Vegas"
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